


Nerves

by thebluesthour



Series: Yeonbin Oneshots For the Soul [15]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Sad Choi Soobin, Soft Choi Yeonjun, pre-debut txt, sookai are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26170216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluesthour/pseuds/thebluesthour
Summary: Soobin is unsure of his role as the leader of the group.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: Yeonbin Oneshots For the Soul [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870156
Comments: 5
Kudos: 199





	Nerves

**Author's Note:**

> I have NO idea how the recruitment process is set up at BigHit, nor do I believe Soobin truly felt this way during the process. I simply took lots of creative freedoms when writing this one. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Not edited.

Soobin grasped Kai’s arm, trying but failing to hide behind the younger. Sometimes he really despised his height. “Hyung, stop it! He’s not even looking this way!” Kai said loudly, making Soobin squeak and duck behind Kai’s back at the attention he drew. Kai sighed, before turning around and pushing the two of them over to their table. “You are being ridiculous!” he exclaimed. Soobin only sat down, chewing his lip and busying himself by retying his shoes. Kai sat opposite him, staring at him, unblinking.

Soobin only lifted his head after several minutes, and flushed when he saw Kai’s look of pity. It’s not like he wanted to be as pathetic as he was being, but he couldn’t help but be intimidated. He was never the most confident in his skills, choosing to believe that luck rather than talent had gotten him so far in his training. It was a monumental day, the day he would either be cut and sent back home to face his family’s disappointment or would join the next group to debut from BigHit Entertainment, the corporate powerhouse that had produced the most successful group of all time.

Kai reached out a hand and patted Soobin’s shoulder. “Hyung, you killed your audition, you need to stop stressing out,” he comforted. Soobin could only take a deep breath, eyes flickering over to where the other trainees stood. Although, he supposed he couldn’t call Yeonjun-hyung a trainee anymore. He had already made it through, and was the first member to be announced to the other trainees as part of the new group. Soobin wasn’t surprised at all, could have predicted it a mile away. He was the one to beat, he had the talent, the looks, and the personality perfect for an idol. Soobin also had the fattest crush on him, and almost always messed up when he was around. It was so embarrassing, and he was sure everyone knew of his feelings.

Kai snapped his fingers in front of him, raising his eyebrows. “You’re staring again,” he remarked. Soobin groaned, hands falling over his face. Kai laughed a little, patting his back again. “Poor hyungie,” he lamented mockingly. Soobin shot him a glare, leaning forward a bit and lowering his voice. “He ranked first in vocals, dance, _and_ rap,” he hissed. “He’s literally the best trainee BigHit has ever seen, how am I going to compete with that?” Kai only stared at him, before opening his water bottle. “You don’t have to, there’s still four spots left,” he pointed out, before taking a swig of water. Soobin sighed again, slumping in his seat, resting his chin in his hand.

Kai was right, but Soobin knew if he by some miracle made it into the group, he would pale in comparison, and be a lonely backup dancer or vocalist that nobody even knew the name of. Even taking Yeonjun out of the equation, Soobin wasn’t the best dancer. That was Choi Beomgyu, who moved so effortlessly Soobin wondered if he even had to pay that much attention during their dance lessons. Vocally, Kang Taehyun literally dominated, really being the only one capable of going against Yeonjun-hyung. Soobin had seen them recording covers already, and while he didn’t think he was an awful singer, he was timid, and he definitely couldn’t hit that many high notes. And Kai was so radiant, so full of energy, and with such a unique appearance, Soobin absolutely knew he could never be as good as him. He was so young, and had so much potential, Soobin wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he was recruited in.

He was in the middle of wondering how he was gonna pack up all of his stuff and leave his best friend when Kai snapped his fingers in his face again, giving him a reprimanding look. “I know what you’re thinking, and I’m telling you to stop it, you deserve to be here just as much as everyone else,” he scolded. Soobin looked back at him, fighting back a few tears. “Yeah, and so many people are going to get cut,” he whispered. Kai shook his head, standing up and moving to sit next to Soobin, wrapping an arm around him in a side-hug. “Or they’ll just keep training,” he reminded. “This isn’t the end all be all, Soobin-hyung,”

Soobin only nodded, not wanting to argue anymore. He leaned into Kai, eyes glancing over at Yeonjun and the others a final time. The boy was laughing at something Taehyun had said, and he looked so pretty it made Soobin want to cry. He had no worries, his dreams had come true, he could rest easy and prepare for the life of an idol. Soobin still had to nervously await his results, and then had to receive them in front of everyone. It was supposed to be like some sort of initiation, but he just thought about how embarrassing it was going to be to have to walk out of the room knowing he was a failure.

As if reading his thoughts, their recruitment officer suddenly entered the space, and everyone fell silent. Yeonjun went to his spot beside the officer, bowing politely, before stepping back and looking out at all of the hopeful trainees. Soobin lowered his eyes before they could make eye contact, shy as always. The two had never actually interacted before, and Soobin didn’t want to see the look of pity on his pretty face. Kai squeezed him closer, grabbing his hand with his other. The two held fast, and Soobin could feel the tension and nerves wash off the both of them like tangible waves. God, he hoped Kai got in.

The recruitment officer said the formalities, thanking each trainee for their dedication and hard work, but Soobin didn’t care. He just wanted to know. He still couldn’t look at the officer, eyes trained on the faux wood of his table as his heart beat so fast he was afraid it’d just stop working. He felt his palms grow sweaty as the officer began the formal announcements.

“The first trainee to join Yeonjun-ssi in the new group Tomorrow by Together, as a lead vocalist and lead dancer, is Kang Taehyun,” he said. Soobin didn’t feel any sort of shock, but he did look up to find the slender boy, who’s jaw had dropped, before he quickly closed it, standing and bowing before walking over to stand next to Yeonjun. Yeonjun couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he hugged the younger, and Soobin could see the boy shaking with happiness and disbelief. Taehyun deserved it, and Soobin was happy for him. The trainees clapped politely, before the officer promptly moved on. “The next trainee to join, as lead dancer and vocalist, is Choi Beomgyu,” he said. 

Again, Soobin wasn’t surprised, and he clapped, but he was so nervous as the numbers dwindled and his chances grew slimmer. Beomgyu practically bounded up to join Yeonjun and Taehyun, pulling them both in for an immediate hug after bowing in formal introduction. The three boys looked so happy, and so excited. Soobin looked back down, he couldn’t take it. His heart was going a million miles an hour, he was on the verge of shaking, and Kai was so absorbed in his own nerves that he had stopped providing comfort. Soobin understood. He couldn’t even move if he tried.

“The fourth member to join, as a lead vocalist and dancer,” Soobin held his breath, trying his best not to pass out as he listened. “Is Huening Kai,” For the first time since this hell had begun, Soobin felt a genuine wave of happiness wash over him, and he gasped, head snapping to look at Kai, who had let out a literal scream, before clapping his hands over his mouth. He looked at Soobin, and Soobin forced a smile on his face. He _was_ happy for Kai, of course he was, but his nerves hadn’t subsided still, and so it was still hard. He gave the younger a tight hug, before ushering him out of his seat. Kai stood, shakily, before bowing to literally every single person he passed as he made his way over to the others.

Soobin watched as they instantly accepted him, hugging him and patting his back, Yeonjun even ruffling his hair. Soobin swallowed, and already the space between them felt a thousand miles long. Soobin was all alone. This was it. He had one last chance, but he had lost hope. He could feel the dread and grief already starting to weigh him down, and he clasped both of his hands together to keep them from shaking. The officer cleared his throat, flipped a page, and then spoke for the last time.

“The final trainee to join Tomorrow by Together, as vocalist, dancer, and leader, is Choi Soobin,” he said.

And suddenly time stood still. Soobin felt the noise drain away, felt his pupils dilate, and felt his brain literally glitch as it processed the words it was hearing. Did he just say Soobin’s name? Did he just say Soobin, coupled with the word leader? Soobin automatically looked up, jaw dropped, and eyes wide. His heart had left his body, and his body had left the earth, and he was floating. No, he must have misheard. There was no way he had made it, let alone been selected as the fucking _leader_ of the group. What leadership qualities did he possess? He was ridiculously shy, not that talkative, and much preferred to take directions rather than give them. No, this had to be a mistake.

But then Soobin looked up, and without meaning to, instantly made eye contact Yeonjun. The boy was looking at him intensely, but approvingly, a small smile on his face. The simple expression jumpstarted Soobin’s heart again, and he remembered that he was supposed to get up. It was then that he registered Kai’s squealing and clapping, and the joy began to set in. He had made it! He was going to be an idol! He wasn’t a failure!

His feet moved of their own accord, and he felt himself bowing, before Kai yanked him into the tightest hug. He let out a breath finally, more of a gasp really, and felt himself smiling as he hugged Kai back. The others, Taehyun and Beomgyu, excitedly bowed to him too, before hugging him. Beomgyu was similar to Kai, jumpy and smothering in his hug, Taehyun was almost like air, barely there but emanating such a happiness that Soobin couldn’t help but smile more. And then he was facing Yeonjun. If he hadn’t been in some state of shock already, he would’ve fallen into one right then and there. Because wow, Yeonjun was so pretty close up. The boy smiled, and Soobin quickly bowed, remembering that this was his hyung.

And then they were hugging. Soobin didn’t know how it happened, but he knew that Yeonjun gave the best hug out of all of them. It was gentle, but firm, and Soobin suddenly felt safer, and like maybe he was supposed to be part of the group. It didn’t last long, the two separating, and Kai quickly pulling Soobin to stand with him. Soobin let out a breathless laugh, holding onto Kai to keep his balance. The recruitment officer thanked the rest of the trainees, before dismissing them, and then guiding the five new trainees-turned-idols down the hallway to the executive offices.

After that, it was a blur of meetings, contracts, schedules, and so much planning it made Soobin’s head spin. Those first few weeks were brutal, and looking back he isn’t sure how he survived them. Okay, actually, he did know how. It was the steady presence of his members, who were all going through the same thing as him. Having Kai with him helped immensely too, and by the time they all moved into the BigHit dorms a little under two months after being selected, Soobin had never been closer to a group of boys before. He still had the biggest crush on Yeonjun, and he still felt like he didn’t quite deserve to be in the same group as him, but each day got easier. He was going to work his hardest, and pray that everything worked out. He would be the best leader he could be, and that’s all he could ask of himself.

*one month pre-debut*

Soobin sat on the floor of the living room, flicking through the footage of that day’s dance rehearsal. He was stressed, more stressed than he was before he made it into the group, and he ran his hands through his hair repeatedly, trying to calm himself down. He rewound the tape, picking up his notebook which contained all of the moves written down, and tried to go over them in his head. Memorisation was key, after all. They had all been working so hard, he didn’t want to mess up one single part.

The rest of the boys were asleep upstairs, by the orders of Soobin himself, but Soobin was restless. He couldn’t sleep until he felt confident he knew the choreography by heart. He puffed out his cheeks, wetting his lips, before letting out a little sigh. This was gonna take all night, and he had already been missing enough sleep as it was.

He buried his face in his hands, trying not to let himself get upset. As he focused on his breathing, he heard light footsteps as someone entered the room. He exhaled, rubbing his eyes, which had actually gotten a little teary in his frustration, and lifted his head. He was ready to send whoever it was back to bed, but the words got caught in his throat as he saw Yeonjun appear. The older was dressed in his pajamas, but he didn’t look like he had been asleep, eyes still bright in the darkness, and brow furrowed as he saw Soobin sitting on the floor.

Soobin looked away, staring at his feet, pushing down the butterflies in his stomach. “You’re supposed to be asleep, hyung,” he said quietly. Yeonjun scoffed a little as he sat down criss-cross next to Soobin on the floor. “So are you,” he replied. Soobin sighed, before stretching his legs out in front of him and keeping his eyes trained on the floor. Yeonjun sat with him silently for a few moments, and Soobin wasn’t sure if he should say something or not. But then Yeonjun moved closer, and carefully brushed Soobin’s hair out of his eyes. “Baby,” he murmured. Soobin snapped his head to look at him in fear, eyes then immediately checking the door, making sure they were completely alone. “Not here,” he said, cold fear trickling down his back like ice water.

Yeonjun looked over his shoulder, before looking back at Soobin, the expression of worry still clear in his eyes, but no traces of fear. “They’re asleep, dead asleep, it’s okay,” he whispered. Soobin hesitated, before groaning quietly, burying his face in his hands again. “I’m not ready for this, hyung,” he said, voice a little muffled. Yeonjun scooted closer, fingers carding through Soobin’s hair, a comforting gesture. Being around Yeonjun used to make Soobin so nervous he couldn’t function, and while that still happened a lot, the boy had started to become a source of comfort and relaxation too, able to talk Soobin down better than anyone else, even Kai. It’s probably why they worked so well together.

“Yes you are, you need to stop doubting yourself,” Yeonjun said, voice soft like running water. Soobin didn’t say anything, and Yeonjun took it as permission to keep going. “The others believe in you, Bang PD-nim believes in you, and I believe in you,” he soothed, his other hand coming up to carefully pry Soobin’s hands off of his face. Soobin let him, before turning to look at the older. He could see the sincerity in his eyes, and he swallowed, heart fluttering a bit. Yeonjun slid his hand from Soobin’s hair to rest on his jaw, thumb settled in his dimple. “Staying up all hours of the night going over a dance you already know isn’t healthy, and there is such thing as over-training,” he remarked. Soobin’s head and gaze flitted down in shame, but Yeonjun quickly lifted his chin back to face him.

His gaze was intense, as it got sometimes, and Soobin knew he couldn’t look away again even if he wanted to. “You’ve got to take care of yourself, sweetheart, especially because it’s still too risky for me to take care of you all of the time,” he said. Soobin rolled his eyes, breaking a smile, and lightening the mood in an instant. “I know, hyung, I know,” he said, before taking another deep breath. Yeonjun smiled a little, but the worry hadn’t left his eyes. Soobin puffed out his cheeks, before turning to face Yeonjun completely, sitting criss-crossed, knees touching. “I promise I’ll do better,” he swore, taking Yeonjun’s hands in his. Yeonjun smiled softly, before nodding.

He stood up, and Soobin followed, dropping his hands to turn off the television and gather up his notebook and pencils. He yawned, seeing how late it was. He turned to look at Yeonjun, who looked back, biting his lip. “Let’s go to bed,” he said finally, and Soobin nodded, following the older out. They weaved through the darkened hallways, before arriving at the door to their shared dorms. Soobin went to open the door, but a hand on his wrist stopped him. He blushed, hoping the shadows concealed it, before looking back at Yeonjun.

His hyung looked like he was in slight pain, and as Soobin faced him fully, Yeonjun reached up and pulled him down by his neck so he could kiss him. Soobin felt his cheeks burn, but his eyes slipped closed, and all of the stress left his body as he kissed Yeonjun back. Yeonjun kissed him a bit desperately, one hand gripping his hair, the other fisting his shirt. Soobin tried to match his pace the best he could, but he faltered a bit, and let Yeonjun take the lead. When they parted, Yeonjun was breathing heavily, and Soobin didn’t want to leave him. But he knew he had to, and so he steeled himself, turning around and grabbing the door handle. Only he was interrupted again, and when Yeonjun kissed him for a second time, Soobin heard the barely audible whimper escape his lips.

He blindly sat his notebook and pencils on the foyer entry table, and once his hands were free he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, hugging him to his chest tightly. Yeonjun broke off the kiss, immediately burying his face in Soobin’s neck, locking his arms around his neck, and taking deep breaths. Soobin closed his eyes, planting his feet steady as he held the older, breathing him in. Soobin knew how difficult it really was for Yeonjun, having feelings this strong and not always being able to act on them. For someone who was so extroverted, so used to be able to do whatever he wanted, the secrecy was really difficult for him. And so Soobin held him, and did his best to return the comfort that he himself had been given.

After several minutes, Yeonjun pulled away, standing up straight, but still within the confines of Soobin’s arms. The two stared at each other, before Soobin wet his lips, pursing them. Yeonjun followed the movement, before opening his mouth. “I could say I was too tired to climb up to my bunk so I crashed with you in yours,” he whispered. Soobin blushed, considering, before deciding to just let his concerns go. The boys all cuddled, like a lot, it wouldn’t be anything unusual. He nodded in agreement, and seeing Yeonjun visibly relax only further confirmed his decision.

The two walked inside silently, and Yeonjun went straight to Soobin’s bunk. Soobin quietly put his things away, changed out of his jeans, and into some sweats, and then climbed into his bed. Yeonjun immediately curled into his side, his head resting on his chest, exhaling deeply. Soobin felt the exhaustion hit him as he pulled the covers up, and wrapped an arm around Yeonjun. “Thank you, Yeonjun-hyung,” he whispered. He felt Yeonjun cuddle closer, hand sliding over his heart. “Sweet dreams, sweet boy,” Yeonjun replied, voice barely above a murmur.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated!


End file.
